TNT: Ch. 27

Gina woke up hog-tied in the back of a maroon pick-up, only now a tonneau had been added. Obviously they couldn't have the bed exposed with her in it. She surveyed her options. She might be able to break the bonds, it was mostly string and duct tape. However, then she'd have to get out of the truck. She couldn't manage it while it was moving, but she'd be closely guarded if it was stopped. Plus, she new Eric and Vlad would start a rescue attempt.
Keyword, she thought sardonically, attempt. As good intentioned and cute as Eric was, she didn't have a huge amount of confidence in his rescue ability. But then, they wouldn't kill her. In fact, if she played along perhaps she could regain enough standing so that when the guys showed up she could be even more helpful in getting the heating element.
But Gina was still a little puzzled. She knew Rob Bluntz. She'd known the dolt since she was little, and this kidnapping was not his style. He was actually, in some ways, a good guy. He would try a lot harder to convince her to come back before doing something as obvious as this. And why not wait until the lobster was with him?
No, it had to be this other guy who was in control. That could make things difficult.
Oh well, she thought, I'll just have to keep on my toes. Although that's hard when your feet are tied...

October

Don't ask me how, but October is back online!

TNT: Ch. 26

*Note: My October Archives are broken, and it was in October when Vlad said "Jack, cover for me." So his name may not be Jack. I'll check when I get home. EDIT: His name is, in fact, Jack.*

Vlad's time at home was more interesting than Eric's. He packed his stuff, set the lobster up in his bathtub, and headed off to Sears to see if he was still employed there.
"Vlad! Where you been!?!" screamed Ming Bergljotssen, his cranky Chinese manager, "We had three customers come in wanting to know about toaster personalities andyou were gone!!!"
"Jack," said Vlad under his breath to the man next to him, "I told you to cover for me."
"No!" interrupted Mrs. Bergljotssen, "You work here, do your job! That is what I pay you for!"
"I am sorry," he said diplomatically, "But I was, indeed still am on a quest. One of vast importance."
"A quest? You skip work two days for quest??? You crazy man!"
"A quest for a toaster. A good, kind, just toas-"
"I heard enough! You fired!!"
"Fired?" he asked theatrically, "Fired for doing my job? Ma'm I am an anthropromorphic toaster specialist, and I am trying, against impossible odds, to secure for your store, the specialest toaster there is (from an anthropromorphic standpoint.) You hired me because I know about toasters and their quirks better than anyone. So don't presume to tell me how to do my job!"
"I thought she hired you because you married her so she'd be a citizen," muttered Jack.
Vlad replied with a surrpetitious wink.
The manager meanwhile, had been thinking.
"How long you need?" she asked.
"I will be back at work in no more than two weeks," he replied, supreme in his confidence.
"Okay, we hire temp," she conceded, "You better be back!"

TNT: Ch. 25

Eric's experience was somewhat less exciting. He got home and packed quickly, than called his boss. He already had a perfect excuse for missing work, and it wasn't a lie. The trick would be getting the next few weeks off. His boss picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hey, boss. This is Eric, ..."
"Eric? Where ya been for the last two days?"
"I was in a car accident, ended up in the hospital."
"Sorry about that. But you still shoulda called."
"But I..."
"That's alright, all is forgiven. Just come in tomorrow morning and get to work on the Johnson project."
"Yeah, about that..."
"Yeah?"
"Do you suppose I could take my two weeks paid vacation now?"
"What? Why? You know you're supposed to arrange that at least one month in advance!"
"Well, I just. The accident made me think about a lot of stuff, and I need to decide if I really want this job."
"I'll make it easy for you. If you're not here tomorrow morning, you don't want the job, plus you get as much vacation as you need, though it's not paid. If you are here, then all's well that ends well, kapeesh?"
"But I..."
"Sorry, Eric, but that's show biz."
And he hung up. Eric had always hated that guy. It wasn't even showbiz.
Well, what now? He had half an hour before Gina was due back, might as well make another phone call.
"Greetings toaster seeker," came the wizened old voice of Master Lin.
"How did you know it was me?"
"The ways of the caller ID are not so mysterious as you may think."
"Oh. Right. Listen, I don't know if I can do this anymore. I just called my boss and -"
"And if you follow the path of the toaster seeker, the path of the data processor may close forever, yes?"
"You could say that."
"Search deep within yourself, and tell me truly that the path of the data processor is the one you must choose."
"I can't"
"Then there you have it. The choice is yours, Eric Smellick. Choose well."

TNT: Ch. 24

The plan for Indianapolis, however, was worked out. With Gina driving, she would drop Eric and then Vlad at their respective homes to pack. She would then fill up the gas tank on Ringo Harrison, do a little sight-seeing, and come back for Eric. The two of them would go to Vlad's and sleep - Vlad in his room, Gina in the guest room, and Eric on the couch. The first part of the plan went well. Eric was dropped off, as was Vlad.
But as Gina turned out of Vlad's driveway, she noticed something a little odd. She was pretty sure she was being followed by a maroon pick-up. It was trailing far enough behind that Gina couldn't see the driver's face, but she had definitely seen the truck a lot. Since I - 65 at least, probably longer.
Sure enough, when she stopped at the gas station, the truck stopped there, too. As Gina got out to pump the gas, she slid a knife out of her purse and kept it discreetly in her hand. She set the gas pumping and stood by the pump, looking nervously at the pick-up. A man got out. A far too familiar man.
"You get away from me, Robert Bluntz!," she yelled, "I'm not going back with you."
"Oh, but you are," he replied knowingly.
She quickly tried to analyze these words. What could make him so confident, so cocky? She didn't want to find out. She yanked out the pump, scanned her card and hopped into her car. Then she stepped on the gas and sped out.
She risked a look out the rear view mirror. Impossible! Rob wasn't following her. She pulled into a nearby out-of-sight parking lot to collect her thoughts.
And she was promptly knocked out cold by the man who had been hiding in her back seat.

TNT: Ch. 23

The plan for tomorrow night turned out to be somewhat better. They were sleeping at Vlad's house. After a little bit of discussion they decided it would be best to stop by Indy, so Eric could pack for a long trip and try to get leave from work and Vlad could pack and try to salvage his chances of keeping his job. As they calculated, they could stay the night in Indy, get up at six, and make it to the community by 10pm -12am, the perfect time for the cover of darkness. Hopefully by the time they arrived there there would be a plan, and it would involve cover of darkness.
They spent the trip to Indy trying to formulate the plan. They needed one that would keep everyone safe, including the lobster (Vlad was insistent), get them the artifact, and get them out. By the time they reached the city they had several plans, none of which produced the desired effect and were feasible. They came up with this chart, which adequately sums up the hours of discussion.

Plan 1 and 2: Gina or the Lobster is traded for the artifact
Problems: The sacrificee is trapped there.
In all likelyhood the rest of us won't be allowed to leave with the artifact anyway.
Plan 3: We all sneak in, under cover of darkness, and steal the artifact - ninja or mission impossible style
Problems: We aren't Ninjas
Our knowledge of the defenses is dependent or Gina's not entirely reliable memory. [She protested at this, but wasn't able to describe what part of the room the heating element was in, so she conceded the point]
Plan 4: Get help from Gina's brother.
Problems: He may or may not help.
He might turn us in or betray us.
Plan 5: Call in the cops to break up the whole operation.
Problems: They must have some means of not having been shut down yet.
If the cops are on their side, we're in trouble.
Even if they're on our side we'll have a hard time convincing them the artifact is rightfully ours, because it isn't.
[And now in different handwriting]
Plan 6: Send in the lobster, who knows the layout and defenses of the vault perfectly well and has proven he's on our side.
Problems: None [which is crossed out and replaced with , in the original handwriting]
It's BS.
The lobster is too stupid.
Vlad's a moron.

That's what they had to work with when they hit Indianapolis. Not the most promising plan or the most comprehensive list.

Google randomness

I am now number 1 on Google for the phrase "Sacred Lobster" (go ahead, try it) and number 9 for "just toaster". Also number 1 for "Eric Smellick" and the only result for the word Floobel. I hope this information is as exciting to you as it is to me.

TNT: Ch. 22

They found a nice hotel. It was clean and the staff was helpful, but it was amazingly cheap. Vlad was having a wonderful night. Unfortunately, he was sharing it with the rest of the room. When he finally stopped snoring he had started talking and now, at 1:00, he was singing. Gilbert and Sullivan. Out of key. The worst of it was, Gina seemed to be sleeping. So it seemed to be just Eric who was having such an awful night.
It wasn't just that Vlad was making a ruckus, although it certainly didn't help. It was also that Gina was asleep just five feet away. In her flattering lilac nightgown, she look so peaceful and pretty and... awake?
"What are you looking at?" she asked groggily, "And will he ever shut up?"
"I was trying to tell if you were awake," Eric lied, "So we could try to deal with him."
Gina said something else, but it was drowned out by a chorus from the Mikado.
"What?" asked Eric.
She leaned it closer to him. "Let's try to wake him. Maybe he can fix it."
So they tried. When yelling failed they phoned the desk and asked for an immediate wake-up call. The bewildered help desk tried it, but it didn't work. Nor did splashing water on his face. Finally, they decided to roll the singing Norwegian off the bed. They pushed and shoved and heaved, and finally he fell and abruptly stopped singing. They collapsed on the bed and almost instantly fell asleep.
So it was that Vlad woke up the next morning to discover himself on the floor and Gina and Eric in bed together. (Clothed and an inch apart, but in bed together nonetheless)
"Eric! Miss Gina!" he exclaimed, "Let's have a little chivalry and respect for the other roommate! If you two wanted a room together," he said winking, "you only had to ask."
"No, no!" Gina exclaimed still confused but awake enough to catch Vlad's insinuation, "We just, well, you were snoring and singing opera and we wanted to sleep, not together, just period, but we couldn't so we tried to wake you but we couldn't, and what are you smiling about?" she said to Eric suddenly.
"Nothing! It's just a funny situation. Irony and stuff."
She just gave him an 'I'm not stupid but I'll play along because I don't want to know the real answer' look.
"Anyway," Vlad interjected, "That's ridiculous. I sleep like an angel."
"Yes," agreed Eric, "Like an awake angel taking a break from hymns to sing light opera."
He scoffed and went off to feed the lobster.
Eric and Gina looked at each other for a minute.
"Look I-" Eric started.
"Don't worry about it," said Gina, smiling, "We'll just make a better plan for tomorrow night."
And when she smiled, Eric wouldn't have been worried about anyway. And he realized something in that instant. 'Starting now,' he thought, 'I'm fishing for cod.'

TNT: Ch. 21

"So," asked Eric when they got back into the car, "What's with this Red Snake?"
"I'm trying to remember. We had to memorize the contents of the sacred vault in school, but that was a long time ago," replied Gina, who was now taking a turn in the driver's seat, "I think it was supposed to have something to do with the Lobster, actually. Same story, anyway. I'll get it in a minute."
"Okay," said Eric, "Speaking of that, how is our sacred lobster?"
"He seems fine," replied Vlad, "He's been picking at the ring. I wonder if he knows what we're talking about."
"He doesn't!" snorted Gina, "Nothing my father collected is really supernatural! It's just a poor old lobster that got painted with symbols! I've never seen it act smarter than that, and I've known it since childhood."
"Since childhood?" asked Vlad.
She nodded.
"And the symbols have been the same that whole time?"
"Yeah, so?"
"A lobster molts five times a year. If they were painted they'd have to be repainted frequently. I'm surprised no one saw how normal the lobster was when it molted."
"It was kept in the vault. They probably pulled it out just before then."
She laughed suddenly. "We haven't been feeding him blessed food! They'll be furious!"
The others chuckled uncomfortably.
"Wait a minute," said Eric, "Have we fed it at ALL?"
They were silent.
"We probably should pick up some lobster food. We've only had him for a day."
"It's getting late anyway," said Eric, "Let's stop at this next hotel, and we can work out a plan in the morning. We'll get two rooms, I guess."
"That's silly," said Gina, "We'll get one room and you two can share a bed."
Eric looked over at Vlad and resolved to get back at her for that somehow.

TNT: Ch. 20

"And what would that be?" asked Eric.
"Back home, we have a vault of sacred objects. They're various things that played a part in my father's fake scriptures. One of the items is called Briksol Ip, or the Red Snake. It's also referred to as the Heating Element of the Eternal Flame."
"Yeah," Eric agreed, "That's a stronger lead."
"Unfortunately, it involves going back home," she said glumly.
"Well then," said Vlad, "We will go without you. We can drop you off somewhere with the lobster, and go in oursel-"
"No," she said in a final tone, "You'd never get in and out without me."
"Maybe it would help if we new more about the... cult," Eric suggested, "Here's the rest stop, and there's a Waffle Shoppe. We'll stop and have waffles and you can tell us."
"Sounds good," Gina agreed, "Then you can listen without getting us killed."
They went into the restaurant and ordered. Comfortable, Gina began her story.

"My father started the Followers of the Whey ten years before I was born. In his version, that was when a great White Stag came to him and told him a great story, which he wrote down in the Book of the Whey. The story was about the four antlered ungulates of old - the stag Engren, the moose Floobel, the elk Gerdam, and the caribou Brim. They had once been warring creatures, always locking antlers against each other, until they discovered the Whey. Now, whey is basically the liquid part of curdled milk, but the Whey was some mystical drink that would bring them peace. Apparently they wanted to share it with humans, and as soon as my father got enough people to follow him they would. He started a closed community on a plot of land in Maine. I grew up believing all this.
"Of course, it's a load of hooey I found that out as I got older. I started noticing how my dad, the great prophet, never showed respect to the idols when he was at home, only among the community. How the money and goods given to the community to facilitate reaching out to new followers always ended up in his pocket. How the community never actually grew bigger than the plot of land. By the time I was 16 I knew it was all a ruse. A talk with my older brother, four years my senior, yielded the rest. As the chosen heir to my father's position of Golden Stag, he was privy to the truth. He of course didn't want to tell, but we were close and I used my charm to weasel it out of him. The truth is my father, down on his luck and low on money, wrote the Book of the Whey off the top of his head. Somehow, through great speech and finding gullible people, he drew people in, building and acquiring more "artifacts" as he went to make him more credible. It was artfully done.
"Now, as a 16 year old girl who was growing up treated like a princess, this information by itself didn't matter to me. I struggled with it and lived with it for three more years, but when my father told me it was time to marry Rob, I started looking for a way out. Rob was one of the worst, who had risen to a high position by being stupider and more gullible, and therefore more devout, than anyone else, and I was to be the final rung in his ladder of success. (Marrying me would bring him into a new order.) I finally made it out at age 20, the day before the wedding. I bought my way to where you found me with smuggled money, and the rest is history. You came when I was out of money."
"Wait a minute," said Eric, "You were hitchhiking from Maine to New York and ended up in Illinois?"
"No, I got out by smuggling myself in the back of a semi truck shipping lobsters caught by the community to where I thought was New York. Actually it was New Mexico, and when you think about it that way, I got off pretty good getting off the truck in Michigan."
"Hmfw Wmfng wf yrn trmnft?" asked Vlad. Reacting to the blank stares, he swallowed his waffle and repeated.
"How long were you in transit before you met us?"
"Three weeks. Enough to take all my money. Speaking of which, who's paying for this?"
"Master Lin," said Vlad, holding up a credit card he had been given, "But you two have not touched your food. Eat up. I will talk."
At once they started shuffling food in rapidly.
"I know another old tale," Vlad continued, "About a walrus and the true meaning of Christmas..."

Disclaimer

I do not mean any offense to Republicans, Native Arctic Peoples, Atheists, non-Christians, Christians, Walruses, Bananas, Penguins, or people who wanted to read the toaster story.

How Willy the Walrus Discovered the True Meaning of Christmas

At this point, I don't want to go forward right away because the last post was so cliff-hangery and there's no new perspective I want to switch too. So in lieu of actual content, I'm writing a short one post story.

How Willy the Walrus Discovered the True Meaning of Christmas

Willy was a walrus. He was not a big walrus or a strong walrus. He could not perform songs from HMS Pinafore or precise calculus calculations. He did not look good in a tutu. But out of all the Walruses, he was the best at showing Christmas spirit. Every Christmas, he would be the first to put on his Santa hat, make hot cocoa, or build snow velociraptors. He always gave the most thoughtful presents and threw the most extravagant parties.
One day not too far from Christmas, Willy was putting up his lights when a very small meteor fell on his head. It caused him to wonder if he really knew the true meaning of Christmas. Deciding he didn't, he set off to find it.
The first thing he saw was a hungry Eskimo.
"Hungry Eskimo," he asked, "What is the true meaning of Christmas?"
The Eskimo, unfortunately, neither spoke Walrus nor celebrated Christmas, so he merely lobbed his spear at Willy. Luckily, Willy was small enough to dodge it.
"I guess the Eskimo does not know the true meaning of Christmas," Willy thought.
The next thing he saw was a GOP convention.
"Republicans," he yelled, "Do any of you know the true meaning of Christmas?"
"The true meaning of Christmas is to put an end to abortion and re-elect GW Bush!" cheered the republicans.
"I do not think that is the true meaning of Christmas," thought Willy.
After walking for a while, he saw a discarded banana.
"Discarded banana, what is the true meaning of Christmas?"
The banana was silent.
"Discarded banana, please tell me."
Still nothing.
"I guess the banana is an inatimate object and therefore cannot tell me the true meaning of Christmas," thought Willy and walked off.
"What a stupid walrus," thought the banana.
Finally, Willy encountered an injured penguin.
"Injured penguin," he asked, "What is the true meaning of Christmas?"
"Help... me..." the penguin stuttered.
"That's it!" said Willy, "Christmas is about helping people, just like Jesus did. It's the day when we celebrate the birth of he who died to save us all! Thank you Injured Penguin, thank you."
But the Penguin did not answer because it was unconscious. Willy shrugged and headed back to his house to spread Christmas joy. The penguin died.

(The penguin didn't really die because the banana healed him with it's super powers, but then the Eskimo ate them both which just goes to show you that stuff happens.)

TNT: Ch. 19

Eric did not speed for long. In fact, in light of recent events, he was very self-conscious about it. He realized he was very lucky to still have a license at all after the crash on the way into Wheatsfield. So the key this time would be to focus. To not get lost in his own little world. To - hey, was that the gear shift from his old car? He supposed it was possible, but - No! To focus. Focus on getting to... To...?
"Umm, guys? Where are we going?"
"We figured you knew," replied Gina.
"Nope. I think I'll pull over at the next rest stop so we can figure it out. Until then, well, what have we got to find?"
"The Golden Handle," said Vlad.
"The, umm, Heating Element of something something," Gina chimed in.
"Eternal Flame, I think," finished Eric, "And then the Iron Springs of, uh, Life?"
"Yes, and one more," said Vlad.
They all thought for a minute.
"Oh well," said Eric finally, "We'll ask Master Lin next time we call him. Any leads on the first three?"
"I might. There is an old children's tale my uncle used to tell me back in the old country. There was once an old craftsman, you see, who was making a great statue for the plaza of his village. It was commissioned by three different men, and they all wanted it made out of different materials, and they all wanted it to look like them. The first man, who was-"
At this point, he was interrupted by Gina's cry of "Eric! The road!"
"Right, right. The road," he said, turning back around, "Go on Vlad."
"Do you want me to drive?" Gina asked before Vlad could finish.
"No, I got it."
"Ok, but one more slip up and we're switching."
"Won't happen. Do go on."
He did. "Where was I?"
"The first man," Eric said helpfully.
"Oh yes. The first man was a tall lanky man, and when he spoke he talked with his whole body. He wanted the statue to be a common man's statue. He said it should be made of wood, so people would not think of it as above them. He wanted it modeled on himself, as he had always been a champion of the common man. The second man was a short, stout fellow, who wore rich, ornate robes. He spoke in long eloquent words and spun his side of the story like an expert lawyer. He felt the statue should be made of gold, so it would be a symbol of wealth for the city. He wanted it modeled after himself, the richest man in the village. The last man was the strong, silent type. He mostly listened to the other two. It was only when the craftsman asked him what he thought that he spoke. He said he wanted the statue to be made of painted metal - metal to symbolize strength, painted so it would look real, and people would be encouraged to talk to it. The craftsman listened to each of them and said he would heed all of their requests. They were skeptical, but they went away trusting his genius. Weeks passed, and the craftsman was seldom seen away from his studio. Finally the day came, and the man unveiled his statue. It was a man, with his mouth open as if giving a speech, but a look in his eyes that said he would listen to your suggestions too. He was gesticulating with hands stretched out to the people. His body, of wood, was modeled after the first man. His face was steel, painted with the most realistic paints to be had. And his tongue was golden. It symbolized the strength of the city, it's wealth, and it's willingness to listen to and help the common men. It was said to be the greatest masterpiece ever created in the city. And the moral is that it's better to listen to everyone than just to do what you think is best."
"That was great," said Eric.
"What the hell did that have to do with toasters?" asked Gina, a little annoyed. (She could only listen to Vlad talk for so long before getting irritated)
"Good question," added Eric.
"Well," said Vlad, "I figure a golden tongue could be used as a toaster handle."
"It'd be a weird toaster," said Eric.
"Could be kinda cool," Gina pointed out, "But it's a pretty weak lead."
"And do you have a better one, Miss Gina?" asked Vlad.
She thought for a minute. "Actually, yes. Yes, I do."

TNT: Ch. 18

Finally, as the time for Master Lin's meeting drew nigh, Gina decided to just head for the junkyard. Miraculously, Eric and Vlad had the same thought. They also happened to meet a little ways away.
"Guys!" shouted Gina when she saw them, "I have something to tell you!"
Before they could answer she continued, "The reason I ran away and Master Lin didn't say my last name and I didn't like the lobster is because my father is a cult leader and I'm engaged to this guy and -"
"Gina!" Eric interrupted, "We know. Vlad had a conversation with the gentleman."
"I didn't want you to find out like that, but I couldn't risk telling you, y'see." She was almost in tears. Eric had never seen her this way.
"It's okay, we understand." And before he knew it she was crying on his shoulder and hugging him. He noticed Vlad wink.
Luckily, Master Lin saved him from this awkward situation.
"Welcome." he said. Gina immediately snapped up and turned around, wiping her eyes. "Some of my students have been working since our meeting. Come, see."
He led them through the junkyard. Presently, Eric was accosted by two unshaven, slightly odiferous men.
"My name's Hank, and this here's Jeb," said one.
"An we reckon yur the feller as was in here a few days ago," Jeb continued.
"That toaster y' kicked out of our junkyard was our property."
"An furthermore, if it had hit somebody, we'd be t' blame fer it."
"I'm very sorry," Eric replied sincerely.
"Well, y'should be."
"An y' owe us 10 dollers."
"What!?! That was my toaster originally. And it wasn't worth ten dollars! And what was it even doing four miles from where I threw it away?"
"We're in the interjunkyard exchange."
"We take the worst stuff to the junk trade show, an' trade with other area junkyards. Helps us bring quality junk to you, like that car ur buildin'."
Master Lin, who had been watching the exchange amusedly, stepped in.
"We agreed on a fair price for the car, and I'm not going to allow you to overcharge it's driver for a piece of low-valued material you can't even prove he purchased. I will give you $1.20 for the useless toaster remains and your trouble. Agreed?"
"Alright, Master Lin. Fer you," Hank relented. The two wandered off, muttering unintelligibly.
"They're not too bad once you know them," said Master Lin, "And my pupils use this place for exercises frequently. In fact, that's how I got this done."
In front of them, surrounded by mechanics and repairmen in training was a most extraordinary vehicle. It looked like a Volkswagen Beetle. At least, the main body seemed to be hacked together form two VW beetles and something else. It was blue and green, except for the irridescent purple hood and trunk. All four hub caps were different. The overall effect was that if one tried to drive it, it would fall apart.
"All we had to buy firsthand were the tires," the mechanic who had shouted "Up" back in the classroom said proudly, "We call it the Ringo Harrison."
"Why?" asked Gina.
"It's made from two Beetles. So whaddya think?"
"It's... nice," said Eric.
"Very resourceful," said Vlad.
"What a piece of junk," said Gina.
"Indeed," said Master Lin proudly. "Want to try it out?"
They really didn't, but once they got inside, it ran pretty smoothly. They bid Master Lin and his apprentices goodbye and took off. (Eric couldn't help but test the top speed which was a whopping 100 mph.)
"An' now he's speedin' like all get out. Liable to kill someone."
"Reckon so, Jeb. Reckon so."

Fun with the Template: Full Throttle

Say hello to the copyright notice. (scroll down).

TNT: Ch. 17

Even while having this most interesting conversation, Vlad was quite concerned that Eric and Gina weren't in the coffee shop where they'd said they'd meet him.

Eric was quite concerned that he had no idea where Gina had ended up, and that Vlad was probably in the coffee shop waiting.

Gina was quite concerned that Rob was here, looking for her and that she couldn't risk leaving the bushes behind the back door of the Starbucks, even though she could see Eric wandering away. She was even more concerned when she ventured a look through the window and saw Rob talking to Vlad! If he found out everything, and told Eric, she'd... What exactly? Why didn't she want them to know? She'd been blindly keeping up the secrecy so long, she hadn't even given thought to telling Eric and Vlad what, of course, they deserved to know. But she still wanted them to find out from her, not Rob! She decided to find Eric while Vlad distracted Rob.

Eric, meanwhile, decided to go back to coffee shop and hope Gina had done the same. He walked in right as the man he had seen enter earlier was storming off. He saw Vlad sitting at a table and joined him.
"Where is Gina?" Vlad asked.
"She ran off when the guy with the robes came in. I just don't understand that girl."
"Do we ever understand women?"
"But, she won't tell me anything! How am I supposed to get to know her any better if she keeps her past shrouded in mystery?"
"Ahh," said Vlad understandingly, "You are in love with her, no?"
"What!?!" was Eric's incredulous response, "Where did you get that!?!"
"My dear Eric," he said, ignoring the objections, "Women are like cod. Not because they're better dried and salted, they really aren't. Women, not cod. Anyway, women are like cod. When you get a good catch, you've got to let it drag you around for a while if you ever want to reel it in. So just play along with Gina, she'll tell you when she's good and ready."
"Nice analogy, Vlad, but I really have no intention of 'reeling her in.' I just want to know who she is."
"Well she is engaged to the man who just walked out, who also happens to be the owner of this lobster."
"You couldn't have just said that?"
"It was a good analogy. I didn't want to waste it."

TNT: Ch. 16

She wasn't in the coffee shop! Rob Bluntz, Silver Moose of the order of Floobel had failed once more. And he was sure he'd seen her going in there. He was starting to wonder if this was really worth it. After waking up in the hospital bed and discovering that the lobster was missing, he had been searching every building in the city for either the lobster or for his fiance, but things just kept not going well. And now, well even if he could have returned without the Daughter of the Platinum Stag, he would certainly be ejected from the order if not killed if he returned without the sacred lobster. It was so unfair. If he ever figured out who launched that toaster...
Presently, something shiny caught his eye. A familiar ring. One which matched almost perfectly with the one on his own finger.
"You there," he said to the large Norwegian man who was sitting at a table playing games on his cell phone, "Where did you get that ring?"
The man seemed to consider this for a moment.
"It was placed on my finger while I slept, possibly by a lobster but more likely by a girl. Why do you ask?"
"Why do I ask? WHY DO I ASK!?! That ring is the-" he calmed down, realizing that to reveal too much would be a bad idea. "That ring is mine," he finished calmly if still not politely, "And I would like it back."
"I would be ever so happy to oblige. I don't like it much - the colors are too bright and it is somewhat effeminate. Of course, I'm quite comfortable in my masculinity and have no problem with a somewhat "girly" piece of jewelry, but I do not think this ring is really 'Me'. You see what I'm saying? Of course-"
"Yes I see your point exactly, which is why I think I should have that ring."
"Of course," the man infuriatingly continued almost ignoring Rob's comment, "You already have one such ring, I cannot imagine two would look good at all. If you wore one on each finger it would look too symmetrical, but two on one hand would be repetitive. So really, neither of us has much use for this ring, so-"
"So just... give it... TO ME!!!" he shouted, unable to control himself, "I need that ring to find my fiance and my lobster and go home again so I can be done with this stupid hunt and go home and get married! So just give up the stupid ring which you don't want ANYWAY!"
"I can't," the man replied calmly, "It's stuck, which is what I was getting at. By the way, I think I found your lobster. It's right here."
But his hand was empty.
"It was here a minute ago," he continued, "But I guess it finally ran off. It probably wasn't the same lobster anyway."
"Was it covered in symbols?"
"Well, yes."
"Then it was the same lobster! You've lost my lobster and gotten my ring stuck on your finger. Let's finish it off. You seen a girl around, 5' 10, short brown hair, answers to the name Annette?"
Again he seemed to consider this.
"No, I have met no such girl. Now, if you like we can get the ring cut from my finger. There are no jewelers in Wheatsfield, but I'm sure someone in the factory could help."
"Keep the damn ring! And if you ever get it off, send it to me. Here's my address." He took a piece of scrap paper out of his robes and jotted down an address. "Good day to you, sir!" he exclaimed and stormed off.
The lobster of Bune-Doom, seeing him leave, crawled out from under the table and onto Vlad's lap.

TNT: Ch. 15

Since they had some time before they had to meet Master Lin, Gina and Eric decided to get some coffee while Vlad picked up the phone. There was one more key establishment in Wheatsfield, besides the junkyard, hospital, and Imini complex, and that was the Starbucks. There wasn't a particular need or desire for a Starbucks in the town, but for some reason the company couldn't stand the thought of a town without one. However, with it's placement at the center of town, it had quickly become a popular spot for Wheatsfield's residents, as well as farmers who were in town to sell crops. As a result, it was quite crowded when Gina and Eric ordered some coffee and sat down.
"So, Gina," said Eric, "Out of curiosity, what 'leap of faith' was Master Lin talking about?"
"I'd rather not say."
"We're going to be on this quest together one way or another, Gina. You can't keep hiding your past from me."
"I didn't ask you about your past."
"True enough. I'll go first. I was born in the suburbs of Indianapolis. I have a brother and a sister. I went to IUPUI after high school, and was fortunate to get a good job. I'm a data processor for Globocomucorp. Basically I take the raw data from the engineers and developers, turn it into charts and give it to marketing. I'm also in charge of my project team for the Riggs project - a series of graphics for the stockholder's meeting. This means I have to schedule all the-"
"That explains it!" she exclaimed, the boredom too much for her. "No wonder you got so worked up about your toaster!"
"OK, so my job's not as great as I wish it was. I always wanted to do something noble; something that mattered. I mean, I don't even get to present the data I process. I can only imagine the looks of joy on the stockholders faces when they see my charts."
"You'd probably be imagining them anyway," she replied in a tone that was supposed to be comforting but ended up patronizing.
"So, my life's boring and you don't wanna hear about it!" he said, upset, "At least I'm willing to talk about it."
"You're right. I was being cruel and I shouldn't have-"
"That's okay. You're forgiven. Just tell me about yourself. Where did you come from? What were you running away from?"
"I wasn't running away from anything. I wanted to be an actor."
He just looked at her, with one of those hard-to-pull-off-but-very-effective "You're not fooling anyone" looks. She collapsed under it.
"Ok, you got me. It's because of my father. He's a - Oh look, our drinks."
She got up and walked to the counter. Eric followed. They paid for their drinks and were about to sit down again when Gina froze. She was looking right at a man just outside the door.
"Let's take our coffee outside!" she said suddenly and with obviously fake cheerfulness, "Via the back door!"
"But it says emergency exit onl-"
"Nothing like hot coffee on a cool day, right?" she continued in the same tone, now dragging his arm. She successfully pulled him outside right as the man walked in. The fire alarm went off as the door opened.
"Excuse me sir, ma'am!" yelled the kid at the desk, "That door is for emergency use only!"
"Sorry" said Eric. He began to move towards the front door, but Gina had dissappeared while the door was open. As he left the coffee shop, he noticed the guy she'd been staring at. He was wearing olive green and silver robes, with some very familiar symbols. Eric walked out into the cold, trying to remember where he had seen them before.

TNT: Ch. 14

After they left, Vlad gave some advice to Eric and Gina.
"Master Lin is one of the most revered makers of toasters in the business," he said, "And if anyone can find us a good, just toaster it will be him. But we must be very diplomatic. It is said that Ti Wao Lin can curse the toasters of those he dislikes, so they might never eat unburnt Pop-Tarts again."
"Don't you think you're being a little superstitious, Vlad?" asked Gina.
"Things in this world are not always as they seem, Gina, especially when toasters are involved."
And suddenly they were here, or atleast where the map said they should be.
Eric cocked an ear to the door. "I don't hear anything. Maybe the class let out early."
He cracked the door open and looked inside. A bunch of men (appliance repairmen from the looks of them) were sitting cross legged in rows throughout the room, with toasters in front of them. He was about to say something when four or five of the men called out "Up!" Half a second later the toast popped up in all the toasters.
A frail, Chinese man in a collar shirt and khakis appeared at the front of the room.
"Very good," he said, "You may all go. The class will resume this same time next week."
To a chorus of "Thank you, Master Lin"s, the men filed out. Master Lin turned to Eric, Vlad, and Gina in turn
"Eric Smellick," he said to Eric, and as their eyes met he felt a strange sense of recognition, like the man was an old friend.
"Vladimir Bergljotssen," (he saw the same look cross Vlad's face, leaving a huge, dumb grin in it's wake)"Sacred Lobster of Bune Doom," (Eric could not read the lobster's face, but was surprised to hear it so named) "And Annette -"
And, making eye contact with her, he stopped there. After a pause he picked up again. "Welcome."
"How did you know our -" Eric began, but the old man interrupted.
"Your coming has been long foretold, toaster seeker. And I have waited for this day. But we will get to that later. You came to ask something of me, I bid you ask it now."
This was it. The answer was sure to be here. All he had to do was ask. Yet Eric now felt a fear in his gut, a voice saying "This is stupid. Get out now." He ignored it.
"Master Lin, I'm interested in purchasing a toaster. A good toaster. A respectful, obedient toaster! A toaster that will make perfect toast every time! This is my request, grant it if you can!" Once the fire had taken over, every shred of self-consciousness left. Eric was once again affirmed in his beliefs.
"Eric Smellick, do you really believe I can grant you this request?"
"I had hoped as much."
"I cannot. But perhaps we can aide each other. I can forge such a toaster, but you must bring me the materials."
"What materials?"
"The prophesy says it must have the Golden Handle of Grace, the Iron Springs of Life, the Heating Element of the Eternal Flame, and the Casing of a Lost Soul. Will you accept this quest, Eric?"
"I will."
"Vladimir?"
"With God as my witness."
"Annette?"
She was silent for a moment.
"What about food?" she finally said, breaking the daze, "What about shelter and travel expenses? We don't even have a car."
"True. Accepting the quest is an act of faith. But you have made such a leap before, Annette."
"And look how it worked out!"
"It is still working out, and this decision will doubtless affect that."
"I'll do it. I've come this far; I might as well."
"And you?" he asked the lobster. After a pause he addressed them all.
"The you are ready to go. Take this cell phone number, so you might always call me. (But if you're going to call collect, do it on nights and weekends)"
"um, none of us have cell phones," said Eric.
"Good grief, toaster seeker, it's the twenty-first century! Take this voucher and get one from Jan in communications. Now go. Annette is right. Your first priority is to get a vehicle. I will meet you at the junkyard in three hours."
They left, their new quest weighing heavily on each of them.

TNT: Ch. 13

The Imini building was more of a headquarters than a factory. The factory was definitely a part of the campus, but so were the offices and the labs. The entirity of the corporation seemed to exist in this complex, and it served as one of two poles anchoring Wheatsfield in place, the other being the hospital. All the other buildings - homes, stores, a small school, the junkyard - had grown up around the healers and the appliance makers. (Well, wheat farming was involved too, hence the name, but that started out side the city limits.) When Eric, Vlad, Gina, and the Sacred Lobster of Bune-Doom entered the gates to the Imini complex, they were not just entering a small business as Eric had expected, but a whole appliance centered world. As they walked through the spacious, well-decorated lobby the receptionist welcomed them and asked the question Eric had been dreading:
"How may I help you today?"
He hadn't exactly figured out what to say to her, to avoid being categorized as a nutcase.
"Well, you see, my friends and I, we're on a sort of a quest - well, not so much a quest as a, a fact-finding mission and - y'know what it is more of a quest and-"
"We were hoping to talk to one of your developers." Gina cut in.
'Whom would you like to see?" asked the receptionist in her perfect receptionist voice, as if Eric's gibbering was perfectly run-of-the-mill.
They looked at each other. Some research would have been helpful before they actually got here. Luckily, Vlad was a toaster specialist before he was an anthropomorphic toaster specialist and he knew a thing or two.
"Does Ti Wao Lin still work with the series LM Toastillators?"
"I believe so."
"We'd like to see him, if it's possible."
"I'll schedule you an appointment with him," She typed a bit on her computer, "He's just finishing up teaching a class right now, you may be able to catch him on his way from the training center to the lab. Here's a map of the complex."
"Thank you, ma'am," said Vlad, and they headed off toward the center.
After they left the secretary paged Mr. Lin. "Mr. Lin, sorry to interrupt, but there are two men, a woman and lobster covered with symbols here to see you in reference to a quest."
"Two men, a woman and a lobster?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good. The time is finally come."