House Cleaning

Ok, it's time to straighten this place up. First off: reports on Stories

Do I Dare Remember?: Consider Nate's update canon. Or don't. Bottom line: I have no plans to finish the story at this time. I had no ending in mind, no ending came to mind, and unless a mind-bogglingly good one comes up, I will not be finishing this story.

Mortimer: I will be finishing this one, and I hope to make it shorter than Toaster significantly.

The New Toaster: It's been so long, even I don't remember things and I'm sure you all don't. So I'm going to spend today recapping and begin updating in earnest after that.

Sci-Fi Story: Last November, I participated in NaNoWriMo and created an unfinished 22,000 word sci-fi story. I can start posting it here in chunks, or not, but I'd like to know what you (my readers if I still have any) want.

Stand Alone Stories: Expect to see more of these, as brevity is a skill I'm currently trying to hone.

Poetry: Someone told me today that I'm good at poetry. Would you like to find out? I've always wanted to write a sonnet or an epic.

So, now, the TNT recap (or as far as I get into it):

Ch. Prologue: We are introduced to Eric Smellick, and the fact that he's buying a new toaster, because his old toaster had exploded. Eric first rants about a just, kind toaster.

Ch. 1: Eric asks Vlad to find him a good, just toaster, and Vlad says that none exist. Eric's fiery wrath draws Vlad into his quest and they leave, Vlad telling Jack to cover for him.

Ch. 2: We learn of Vlad's verbacious nature and his Norwegian background. We also learn why he's called Vlad despite being Norwegian. Eric realizes he needs a place to go and turns in desperation to the box his old toaster came in, and they head to Wheatsfield.

Ch. 3: Vlad and Eric pick up a cute hitchiker on the way to Wheatsfield, and Eric, not wanting too much alone time with Vlad, convinces her to come to Wheatsfield instead of Broadway. Her name is Annette, but you (and Eric and Vlad) can call her Gina.

Intermezzo: Jonah tries to cover up for a glitch resulting from his complete lack of story planning, while nothing important happens.

Ch. 4: Eric has an epiphany and, to quote CJ, a "sudden arboreal stop." (That is to say, he crashes everyone into a tree. What was I thinking?)

Ch. 5: Gina and Vlad arrive in Wheatsfield via Ambulance. Gina decides to stay with Vlad, even though she doesn't need to.

Ch. 6: Eric's insurance companies are realistically unhelpful, so the car just gets towed to a junkyard. Eric rides along and, while in the junkyard, has a schizophrenic confrontation with his old toaster, which he ultimately drop kicks into the air. He heads off to the hospital, while Hank and Jeb make snide remarks.

Ch. 7: Gina pretends to be Vlad's fiance so she can sleep in his room and thus gain free lodging. She slips her ring onto his finger.

Ch. 8: Eric arrives at the hospital and starts to rant, but Gina shushes him and storms out. He starts ranting again and Vlad wakes up. Eric runs after Gina.

Ch. 9: The toaster Eric dropkicked two chapters ago knocks out Rob Bluntz, a cult member with a pet Sacred Lobster. He's using the lobster to locate something or someone and it has brought him to Wheatsfield. When Rob falls, the lobster scuttles off.

Ch. 10: Eric finds Gina and convinces her to come with him to the factory in the morning. They spend the night at a stranger's house. (Not together - it's not that kind of story.)

Ch. 11: Vlad wakes up to find the lobster on his finger and discovers a mysterious ring (the one Gina slipped on him.) Vlad, the ring, and the lobster check out of the hospital.

Ch. 12: The whole team meets up, Vlad discovers that the ring came from Gina, and we learn two interesting things about the lobster- that Gina is irrationally freaked out by it and that it follows Vlad like a loyal puppy.

Ch. 13: The whole party enters the Imini complex and makes an appointment with Ti Wao Lin, a toaster developer Vlad knows of. He says something mysterious.

Ch. 14: One of my favorite chapters; the historic meeting with Master Lin. The party encounters the old man teaching a class, and then he speaks to each of them by name, tells them their coming was foretold, and asks them what their quest is. When Eric tells him, he informs them that he can forge the toaster if they can bring these pieces (remember them; they're imporant): the Golden Handle of Grace, the Iron Springs of Life, the Heating Element of the Eternal Flame, and the Casing of a Lost Soul. They agree to go on the quest.

Ch. 15: Gina and Eric go for Starbucks and she refuses to tell him about her past. He tells about his, but it's chronically boring. Just then, Rob arrives at the Starbucks and Gina flees through the back door, setting off the fire alarm and getting seperated from Eric.

Ch. 16: Hijinx occur with Rob and Vlad. They result in Rob discovering that Vlad has Gina's ring and the lobster, but getting neither; and the readers discovering that Rob is out to marry Gina (whose name is Annette) and that he wears an identical ring. This is a particularly funny chapter, if you don't mind my saying so.

Ch. 17: The mad hijinx involving the coffee shop continue. Gina goes looking for Eric, who went to the coffee shop looking for Vlad, who just finished talking to Rob, who's off looking for Gina. Vlad deduces that Eric is in love with GIna and gives the infamous cod analogy, before revealing that Rob is engaged to Gina.

Ch. 18: Everyone meets up, Gina reveals the truth: Her father is a cult leader, she ran away, and Rob (and the lobster) were sent to bring her home. They all meet up with Master Lin, as well as with Hank and Jeb. After Eric settles his score with the latter, the former reveals his gift to the travelers: The RIngo Harrison, a car assembled from two Beetles. So equipped, they set off.

Ch. 19: The party tries to decide where they might find these pieces, and Vlad tells a story. I'm not going to recap it, but I'll give you a link. The story will become important rather soon, but I'll recap it within the story.

Ch. 20: Gina tells her story, which explains some valuable background about the cult and about her. But it's really not that important at this point, except that they decide to go back to her home to retrieve the Bristol Ip or the Red Snake, which is most likely the Heating Element of the Eternal Flame.

Ch. 21: Not a whole lot happens. Questions are raised about the supernaturalness of the lobster.

Ch. 22: Bed Hijinx occur, introducing us to Vlad's pension for nocturnal opera and Eric's infatuation with Gina.

Ch. 23: They decide to stop in Indy for a night and come up with a bunch of crappy plans for stealing the artifact.

Ch. 24: Gina drops Eric and Vlad off at their respective homes, then goes to the gas station, where she runs into Rob and is then kidnapped by a mysterious man in her back seat.

Ch. 25: With help from Master Lin, Eric quits his job.

And this brings us halfway through the story so far. Tomorrow, the other half, and after that the continuation wil begin.

April Fools!

It would be a lot easier to pull April Fools pranks if any of you checked the site without being prodded into it. I have no idea if I fooled anyone or not. But now I'm telling you, that last entry was actually written by my identical twin in part of an April Fool's Day exchange. I wrote the latest chapter of the story formerly known as revival over at CSG. I hope you were all sufficiently fooled. Now, I'm really not sure if I want to make this canonical or not, so I want to hear what you think. Should I let Nathan's silly entry be part of the story, or go on as if it never happened?

Do I Dare Remember? - Chapter 3

When he woke up, he was being shaken by Helen.
"Teddy, wake up!" she said, "The store is being robbed!"
For some inexplicable reason, he walked downstairs. That's when he remembered he was a veritable killing machine.
He jumped at the two robbers, and before they could get off a shot he had them both on the floor, with one knee in each of them pointing their own guns at them. Amazing what the body remembers, he thought again. I guess that answers the specialized knowledge question.
Helen and Myron were dumfounded. They just stood there, trying to comprehend what they'd just seen. He realized if the police came in now, he'd have no way to explain how he took down the robbers so fast. He had to think quickly.
He shot both robbers. Then he shot Myron and Helen. It made him a little sad, since they'd been so nice and all, but it seemed like the right thing to do. He remembered now that he'd done a lot of killing innocent people.
As he was on his way out, the police showed up. He killed them too.
He suddenly remembered that his girlfriend had been named Cecilia.
"Halt there!" yelled a voice. He turned to see a hulking, hairy creature with tusks and a proboscis wearing a mauve spandex outfit and a navy blue cape. "You may have defeated the local police," It said, in it's rumbling voice, "But you're no match for the Mauve Mammoth!"
He remembered that the Mauve Mammoth was a famed defender of peace and justice, but not where he had encountered him before.
Suddenly a look of recognition passed the Mammoth's face, though it was difficult to discern. "Bronze Ninja?" he said, "Why no outfit?"
At the sound of his name, the Bronze Ninja remembered exactly who he was - and who wasx responsible for his memory loss.
"Sorry, Mauve," he said, "But I have an appointment with one Captain Cauliflower.
He remembered that he could fly and flew off towards the governor's mansion. It felt good.

Do I Dare Remember - Ch. 2

The next several days went by in fractured pieces, like a reflection in a shattered mirror. He would wake up for a short time, his old memories lingering like a dream but always gone before he could remember them clearly. Then his new memories would come back, from the grocery store on, and pretty soon he'd fall asleep. Sometimes there would be food near him, and he's eat. Occasionally he stumbled to the bathroom. And sometimes a woman was there. But he was never awake enough to properly comprehend all this.
He wasn't sure how long this saga had gone on. It could have been one night or a week. He was on a couch, in an apartment. It had that musty scent of a house lived in by older people. The smell of cigars and out of style cologne and years and years of memory. It was a familiar and somehow comforting smell.
He was hungry, and there was food. A grilled cheese sandwhich, sliced apples, and a mug of hot cocoa with marshmellows. As he ate and drank, the woman walked in. She was in her late sixties by the look of it, but still very mobile and competent.
"Oh, you're awake!" she said sweetly, "Feeling better?"
"Better," he mumbled, "Thanks for the... uh... the food." Words weren't coming properly. He still couldn't think straight.
"I'm Helen, my husband found you, remember?"
He nodded.
"And we're calling you Teddy, unless you've come up with something better."
"Teddy's fine. I'll be leaving in a couple of days."
"Where for?" she asked.
"To find some answers. I think maybe if I get out on my feet, they'll know where to go."
"Well, as soon as you're up to it, I'll go with you."
"Thank you, ma'm." He tried to sit up, cautious with the memory of the last time. The world spun and swirled, but not as much and he managed to retain conciousness.
"Well, I've got to run some errands, but if you need anything, you can use that phone to call me. I finally got one of those cell phones and it's #1 on the speed dial."
She left the room, and Teddy looked around. He decided to watch some television. Much to his surprise, he could remember which shows he liked to watch, who the characters were, and the plots. He tuned into The Simpsons and recognized it as a repeat, knowing how it would end. Thinking about it he knew the names and roles of Hollywood actors, too. It was just the details of his own life that eluded him. He wondered if he would retain specialized knowledge from his field. He had to be good at something.
He turned off the TV and stood up (again, with some difficulty) and made his way to the bookshelf. They say you can tell a lot about a person by their bookshelf. The Hatches had a few key kinds of books. Lots of books on grocering, food, and running a business. Several Romantic Fiction books. Some old school science fiction - Asimov, Bradbury, Verne, Wells - the greats. And several books on airplanes - the illustrated guide to bombers of WWII, a flight manual for another old fighter, some aerodynamic theory textbooks.
He skimmed a few things, but he couldn't find anything that sparked. Pretty soon he fell asleep, leaning against the shelf.

Do I Dare Remember? - Chapter 1

I know some of you might be annoyed I haven't written in the toaster story in a while, but the fact is that I need a rather long break from that. I'll get back to it eventually but it's fun to try new things. This is the first chapter of a brand-new story, tentatively titled "Do I Dare Remember?" (DIDR) Hopefully it will run parallel to TNT, just like things were supposed to go originally. Oh, one more thing. This story may be a little heavier on the profanity, as it's going to be limited third person from a somewhat crude character. I hope it doesn't bother you too much.

A pair of scissors. An ocean of wax. Three silver monkeys. The visions filled his head like water racing down a drain. Spinning and spinning, impossible to grasp, and ultimately gone. Where the hell was he? Where had he been last night? What had he drunken/eaten/smoked? He couldn’t remember anything. He couldn’t even remember his name.
‘This must be amnesia’ he thought. ‘Figures I can remember what amnesia is, but nothing about my life.’
He surveyed his surroundings. It was familiar somehow. There was fruit here, in crates. Shelves and shelves of vegetables, too. It was a produce department. Yes, that’s what it was. He hadn’t realized it because something was off. There should be people in a produce department. He saw none. And it was dark. Was it the middle of the night? Instinctively he checked his watch. Funny, he thought, what the body remembers when the mind forgets. It was 4:00 AM.
He stood up. This act seemed innocent enough, but it brought on a massive headache. Damn but he wished he could remember something. He felt awful. A wretched taste was in his mouth, he ached all over, and he was hungry. He felt as if he hadn’t eaten in days if not weeks. There was fruit all around, and no one would miss it. Cautiously, he bit into a pear. It was good. He finished it rather quickly and started on an apple, then a peach, than some grapes. He loved fruit. He remembered this now, that he could eat fresh fruit all day. He had eaten fresh fruit all day once, but he couldn’t remember any details of the experience.
It was like that with his memories. They would come in little sections of sections, like the last remnants of a dream. Flashes, images, feelings, impressions that told him nothing. He was startled from his thinking and eating by a sound. The door was being unlocked. He instinctively thrust the stems, peels, pits, and cores into his pockets, wiped off his mouth and stood up as the grocer entered.
“What is the name of all things holy are you doing here?” the elderly man asked incredulously.
“I, uh, I’m…” he stammered.
“Robbing me, perhaps? Empty the pockets!” Before he could answer, the grocer had walked right up to him and done it himself, and he now stared at the assorted inedible fruit parts on the floor.
“Perhaps you were under the impression that this was a free buffet!?!” asked the man, a short fellow with a bushy mustache, “Or perhaps you think that just because you’re a young man the world revolves around you. And that because I am an old man I can’t stop you! That the world is your oyster! Well, I have news for you. This part of the world is still my oyster, and the price for all that fruit is $20.00 plus telling me how the hell you got here.”
“…”
“Well? How did you get in here?”
“I… I don’t know.”“You don’t know? I suppose you just woke up here mysteriously,” The man suggested with more than a hint of sarcasm.
“Yes, actually that’s exactly it!” he replied without any.
The grocer stared him down. It was a cold, hard practiced stare. A stare that said “I can tell if you’re lying. A lot of men have tried to lie to me, and they all end up telling the truth sooner or later, so you needn’t waste your time.”
But he wasn’t lying. So he stared right back with the confidence of a practiced liar who didn’t even need to use his polished skill. And the stare went on for perhaps ten seconds, but seemed to stretch into fifteen minutes or more when finally the grocer spoke.
“Let me smell your breath.”
He did as he was told. He didn’t see a reason not to.
“The fruit would mask it, but even so I don’t think you’ve been drinking. And there’s not a scratch on that head of yours. I can’t see how you’d contract amnesia.”
“Are you waiting to hear how I got it?" he asked, becoming annoyed, "Because the thing about amnesia is that I HAVE NO IDEA! I don’t even know who I am! I woke up here, confused, in pain, and as hungry as a bull elephant and I ate some fruit. If I have money I’ll pay for it. If not, I’m going to the hospital to check myself in, because somehow I know that that’s what you do when you have amnesia. Is that okay?” His head was spinning again from all that exertion.
The man stared him down again, but only for a minute.
“Go ahead, check for money then.”
He didn’t have any. Apologizing half-heartedly, he headed for the door. But as he began to move, the headache returned full swing.
“DAMNIT!” he screamed as he stumbled and fell.
The grocer was by his side in an instant. “You’re in no position to get all the way to the hospital,” he said. “I live above the store, I’ll take you to my spare room. My wife Helen will look after you.”
“Thanks,” the man grunted, to much in pain to argue.
“My name is Myron Hatch. I’m sure you don’t know yours, so I’m going to call you Teddy. Ok?”
And the two men shook hands, even as the old grocer dragged the young man up the stairs.