Monday, May 30, 2005

Tournament of Dolphins

First, check out my brother's site. Now, what did you think of his list? I think it's great, but I noticed something rather troubling - namely the astounding lack of dolphins. I don't know how you can do a tournament of champions without at least one dolphin. So, to balance him out, I'm setting up an historic TOURNAMENT OF DOLPHINS.

1. Flipper (Flipper) - For those of you who have never seen this wonderful program, think of Flipper as an aquatic lassie. Everyone's favorite super-intelligent family pet.
Strengths: Faster than lightning; No one, you see, is smarter than he; Lives in a world full of wonder; Flying there under, under the sea.
Weaknesses: Susceptible to the cliches of 60s TV (Nothing especially graphic can happen around him, adventures are limited to thirty minutes minus commercial breaks)

2. Ecco (Ecco the Dolphin Games from Sega) - Quite possibly the only doplhin to have his own series of computer and video games, Ecco enjoys travelling through time, as well as being a really great singer. If this were, American Idol of the Dolphins, Ecco would have it made.
Strengths: Can use his sonar as a weapon, has some kind of shape-changing ability, can go invisible.
Weaknesses: Can't do any of these things without power-ups.

3. The Singing Dolphins (Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy) - Remember what I said about Dolphin American Idol? I may have spoken too soon. As well as being good singers, these dolphins are considered to be the second most intelligent species on Earth, after Rats and before humans.
Strengths: Can really put on a musical number, have their "own means" for leaving Earth, apparently have sufficient funds to pay for it's rebuilding (according to the books).
Weaknesses: A certian fondness for fish.

4. Darwin (SeaQuest) - SeaQuest, for those of you (probably everyone) who haven't seen it, is an incredibly obscure, short-lived show that was pretty much Star Trek underwater. Darwin is a dolphin who can both talk to and understand humans because of Lucas the boy-genius's inventions. He frequently saves the day and was played by an animatronic puppet for everything but the first episode of the show.
Strengths: Can communicate with humans and aliens, has completed the training required to achieve the rank of ensign in the United Earth Oceans Organization, which is probably comprable to the US Navy in it's training of officers.
Weaknesses: Not a real dolphin.

5. Dan Marino (Miami Dolphins) - Marino holds 24 NFL Season records and is tied for three others, and is considered by most to be the best Dolphin of all time. Though now retired, he is still revered by Dol-Fans everywhere.
Strengths - by far the best on the list in terms of touch-down passes, yardage, and overall QB-ing.
Weaknesses - Not quite as well suited for long periods of time underwater as the other competitors. Also not quite as good a swimmer.

The tournament will begin as soon as I figure out the best way to do a tournament with five competitiors. I will not be taking it nearly as seriously as Nathan's, for obvious reasons.

1 comment:

Evey said...

Wow. That is truly amazing you were able to come up with that many dolphins.