4:30. She had an hour and a half left in her shift. In the afternoon sun, it might as well have been a day. She needed a shower, and a change of clothes, and there wasn't a customer in sight. Every now and then a car would seem to be heading for the stand, but they all turned to leave the parking lot instead. There were hardly any bikes today; it was simply too hot. There had been one though. A boy with messy black hair. The boy came every Thursday (she worked Thursdays and the coffeestand) at about 4. He was sitting alone at the picnic table drinking his Smoothie, watching her. It was odd, a regular customer like this. The coffeestand was mainly for those who happened to be in the parking lot for some other errand and needed to pep up or cool down. But the boy was there every Thursday, working his way through the smoothie flavors. He was up to number 4, wildberry. She wondered idly if he'd stop coming after number 8, seasonal special pomegranate, or whether he'd just start over on the list.
He liked wildberry more than the other three. Or maybe he just appreciated it more in the heat. He shouldn't have come today, not in this heat. No one else was out here. Of course she'd see him looking at her, she'd know he was out here staring at her. But how could he not? Those beautiful curls, framing that face, that smile that made his heart melt. She had to have picked up that he was into her. She had to have already decided exactly how she would shoot him down if he ever got up his guts to make a move. But of course he wouldn't anyway. It had taken him a year and a half to ask out a girl he had every class with in school. He'd never be able to ask out this cute barista. He didn't even know her name.
The boy sipped his smoothie slowly, staring straight out in front of him, at her booth. He wasn't watching her at all, she thought. He's dreaming, staring into space. Just like I am. Only I have to be here to get paid. What's his excuse? He looks so intense. Maybe he's a newspaper food critic. Maybe he's trying to try every smoothie flavor so he can rate them for some article. Maybe I should have been more careful with his drink. She tied her curly blond hair into a ponytail as it had been a few minutes before and looked at her watch again. 4:45. She looked at the parking lot again. Nothing. Finally she got out her cell phone and started on a new game of Tetris. Maybe she could beat her record.
He'd never figured out what it was she did with that phone. The first time he'd thought she was calling someone, her boyfriend perhaps. Of course she would have a boyfriend, why wouldn't she, a girl like that. Everything came back to how foolish he was to be even thinking about her. He looked down at his smoothie. Half gone. Soon he'd finish and go home. He'd miss his chance and bike home, thinking about how discovering a new smoothie flavor was accomplishment enough for the day. And then he'd be back the next week, and the next, until one Thursday she would be gone, or school would start up and he would be gone. It was funny how he knew how pointless it was, yet he kept coming back. He did it, he reasoned, for the smoothies.
She was up to Level 8, but it wasn't looking good. She had gotten a few too many awkward blocks in a row and she was having a hard time making any rows at all. And now it was too late. Game over. She was bored of Tetris. She was bored of the coffeestand too, truth be told. She wasn't bored of the boy. She wondered if maybe she should go talk to him, strike up a conversation. Well, she couldn't do that, but she could call him over. But what if they had nothing in common? What if he came here to do deep thinking and she just interrupted him. She decided just to watch him. It was amazing the way he sat, thinking. She could see the thoughts running through his mind. She wondered what thoughts a boy like that could have that would trouble him so. Oh well, she thought, perhaps I'll never know.
The smoothie was gone. It was over. He got up and walked across the lot to the stand, and knocked on the window, setting his cup down on the ledge. She came, opened the window and took his cup as he headed back to his bike. She would close the window and it would be over.
She sighed when the boy left the cup and walked off. It had been the same the last three times. But this time, as she closed the window, he called to her.
"Hey!"
She stopped, opened the window the rest of the way, and cocked an eyebrow as if to say "Yes?"
He paused. Why had he said hey? What would he say now? Something suave, he thought, something suave.
"That was a really good smoothie," he said, "My favorite flavor so far."
"Yeah," she replied, smiling her sweet smile, "It's my favorite for sure."
"Do you get free drinks, working here?"
"Just one a day."
An awkward silence. This would be it then. HE fastened his helmet and hopped on his bike, just as he heard her say, "Hey!"
She paused. She shouldn't have said hey. It was a stupid question. Well, she'd done it, she might as well finish what she started.
"What do you think about, when you sit out here and drink your smoothies? I see you out here everyday, just staring and thinking. What's it all about?"
He got off his bike and took off his helmet. He kicked down the kickstand and walked over to her, across the lot. This was it. Suddenly he didn't care. He'd come this far and he was going to try this. He would get shot down and it would hurt, but then it would be over.
"It's about you," he said, "I've been coming out here every Thursday since the first day I saw you, drinking smoothies and trying to get up the courage to ask you out."
She laughed. She couldn't help it. The boy was so red. It had obviously not been easy for him to say that and she knew it was horrible to laugh, but she found the whole situation so very funny. All these deep thoughts she had thought she'd read, and he was just another guy. She finished laughing, ran her fingers through her hair, smiled and said,
"So?"
"What do you mean so?"
"Are you going to ask me out?"
He hadn't expected laughter. Right out laughing in his face was the worst thing that could happen, and now she still expected him to go through with it. It was like she was mocking him. He didn't need this. And yet... He'd come this far.
"Yeah, I think I am." He cleared his throat, and she giggled again. He'd hate her for it, but it was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.
"When do you get off work?" She checked her watch.
"In 54 minutes."
"Would you like to meet me, in 54 minutes, over at that Chinese restaurant for some dinner?"
"You buying?"
"Sure."
"Ok, then. See you there."
Thursday, August 11, 2005
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7 comments:
I love it. It's a departure for you, and I love it. I'm printing it out. I like the style, and I see a lot of you in it, in the obvious ways (tetris, the setting), and not-so-obvious things (the way the girl talks to the guy and other things I can't put my finger on). and I love the no names. *hug* It's a great piece of writing.
I was engaged very quickly. I struggled briefly because voice seemed to shift; then I re-read from where I had become confused and that resolved it for me.
On third reading I notice the voice does still seem to shift and I wonder if that is intentional.
I could empathize with both characters; I liked the guy better than the girl and that could be totally subjective on my part.
I notice you use "bored of" where I expect "bored with." I don't know whether one is preferred, it just jarred me slightly.
What I liked most was how I was drawn into the moment and then I was okay leaving the characters, too. I don't usually like short stories because I feel anxious, sometimes even annoyed if I become invested and then risk being abandoned. If I engage I wonder: what happened next to these people? However in your story this did not happen to me.
Thanks for letting me read it.
M
Very good! You're trying out something new, and it works for you. I like the alternating narration. The whole scenario was very real. Love it.
I do like this branching out, especially the way you take something as cliche as love and make it real, personal, and no more or less than it is. I just have one question- is it a true story??
The setting was almost too real ;)
-Levi
Keep it coming, Jonah. I love your writing. It's much better than a lot of actual authors i've read. You're style is very engaging.
It was well written, and something that I would never expect from you since I stumbled across this blog. You seem to have a great talent for writing, and I hope you continue into making it a career.
I believe that what you write comes from you heart. If so, you have the greatest heart I've ever seen.
hee, tetris. Its the one outside your orthodontist, isn't it? I know there's a chinese place over there
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